Even when surrounded by hundreds of people, our ability to form deep bonds is limited. Science explains why having just a few friends is enough
When we think of friendship, it’s common to imagine a long list of contacts on social media. But if you do the math honestly, most people will come to the same conclusion. That true friends fit at your fingertips. And according to science, this is not a problem. This is exactly how the human brain works.
The natural limits of our social brain
Over 30 years ago, an evolutionary psychologist robin dunbarfrom university Oxfordargue that we have a biological capacity to maintain social bonds, and that it is not infinite. This limit became known as “Dunbar’s number,” and the number of stable social relationships is estimated to be about 150. However, these connections function in a cyclical manner, each with varying levels of intimacy.
- 5 people: the people with whom we have the deepest bonds, our greatest joys and dangers.
- 10 people: Friends who meet often and maintain emotional intimacy.
- 50 people: Expansion of the circle of acquaintances – those who will be invited to special celebrations.
- 100-150 people: lighter, more recognizable relationships, but less intimate.
Outside of these groups, Dunbar said many interactions end up being “one-way.” You remember the person, but they may not remember you to the same extent.
Theories are challenged and reaffirmed
In 2021, Swedish researchers claimed that the number of possible relationships is not fixed. When they recalculated Dunbar’s model, they found large variations. This, they said, would make the final value arbitrary. Dunbar was quick to react, labeling the conclusion “totally absurd” and stressing that looking at real-life interactions such as messages, phone calls and meetings, the same social strata continue to exist even in the digital age.
platform like facebook, Instagram and whatsapp They increased our connection, but not the depth of our relationship. We may know thousands of people, but our brain structure is still limited to meaningful bonds with small groups. In reality, we continue to function in the same way as our ancestors did. There are few true connections and many peripheral ones.
The weight of loneliness and its real risks
Worse than not having many friends is not forming quality bonds. In 2023, the then Surgeon General united states of america, Vivek Murthywarned that loneliness can increase the risk of premature death by 30%, which has the same effect as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Despite this, more than half of Americans report feeling lonely, and this situation is particularly concerning among women. In Brazil, research follows the same trend. There are many superficial connections and very few deep bonds.
But in the end, how many friends are enough? university research Kansas It has been suggested that close friendships of 3 to 6 people are enough to maintain our emotional balance. But building deep bonds takes time. The university estimates that it takes about 200 hours of coexistence to build true intimacy.
what is really important
Each person finds balance within some kind of social circle. Some people prefer a quiet date with two friends. Some people feel more alive in crowded meetings. There is no single formula. What matters is that you have someone who understands your silence, celebrates your victories, and helps you through your difficult days. In a world that values followers, science reminds us that happiness is measured in honest conversations, time shared, and bonds that stand the test of time.
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