DJ Sheila Santos, 34, says she believed for years that her day job was holding her back from relationships. Only when she looked back did she realize that they all had something in common. None of the partners had the same taste in music as her. This repeating pattern aroused her curiosity, and she began discussing the topic in therapy. Sheila reported that she was always frustrated when performing important songs and receiving neutral responses. My therapist suggested I study emotional patterns related to music, and during my search I came across the term merosexual. Melosexual is an expression used informally in Internet communities and forums to describe people whose attraction is influenced by music. According to her, that was the moment when all the pieces fell into place.
Sheila remembers a situation that she now considers almost funny. She always believed that showing someone her music was a form of intimate connection, but she rarely got the response she expected. “I showed them a song that gave them goosebumps, and they said, ‘That’s cool,’ and it completely turned me off. At the time, I thought I was exaggerating, but then I realized that wasn’t the case. I just didn’t have the right pitch,” he says.
Over time, she began to notice that once musical interactions stopped happening, she just lost interest. This happened in many relationships, so he decided to investigate why. “I was done, but I couldn’t explain it. I thought that was my challenge and I needed someone to be more patient with me. And it turns out that music has always been the thermometer of my heart,” he says.
When he researched emotional experiences related to sound, he found descriptions that reflected his own experiences. It was then that he decided to adopt the term merosexual to describe this intimate relationship between emotion, music, and desire. “When I read about it, I immediately recognized myself. I realized that my object of interest has always been the energy of a person who truly feels sound: the way a person vibrates, how they respond to frequencies, how music passes through their bodies,” he explains.
Sheila says the discovery brought relief and emotional clarity. She says for years she believed she expected too much from others, but in reality her musical sensibilities have always guided her emotional choices. “I tried to ignore it, I thought it didn’t matter, but that was exactly what led everything,” he comments.
According to DJ, many people react to the term with curiosity and amazement, as well as sometimes identification. Some say they see similar patterns in their own lives. For Sheila, understanding her melosexuality was a liberating process. “When you understand what makes you tick, you stop insisting on things that don’t make sense. Discovering this really moved me and helped me recognize the types of relationships that change me,” he concludes.
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